He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
