I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
