He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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