Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
