why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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