can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
