i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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