Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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