I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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