at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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