i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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