Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize