Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
