dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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