So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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