If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
