ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
