Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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