According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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