my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
