I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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