I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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