I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
