you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
and you fell through a lawn chair
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
