If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
