Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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