bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
