I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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