We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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