the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
