I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
