The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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