walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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