I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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