when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
