ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
