Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
