i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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