when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
