I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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