Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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