I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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