my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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