I think my vagina is haunted
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
