I'm really into asian looking animals
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
