At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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