I'm eating all of the evidence.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
