im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so let's talk penis.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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