dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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