You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
