roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
