im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
