Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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