whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
there is puke in my bra ... again
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
