My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
