Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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