i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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