Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
