did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
