it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
