I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize