Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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