Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's