I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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