my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
