I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
