i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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