nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.