On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
