I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
