I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.