Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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