so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul