I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
