I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
