If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
