White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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