YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize