dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i love accidental penises.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
