So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
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You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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