The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
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someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am