Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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