I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals