There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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