i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are