I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
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dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷