I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
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well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha