If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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