I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
