trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
