Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
