Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
