Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
