Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
