Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Watching her eat just hurts me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
