It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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