I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
