There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We are all done wearing pants today
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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