im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
