i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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