I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
