so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
