Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
