Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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