You're my little dorito
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
