I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize
