Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
