That's when you crack a 10am beer
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
