I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
